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“Single All The Way” My Take on the Conversation

By Jonathan Shuffield

I don’t do Christmas movies. It’s just not in my blood. I have friends who binge the Hallmark channel this time of year, but I have an aversion to contrived story lines and manipulated emotions. Then someone mentions Michael Urie, Kathy Najimy and Jennifer Coolidge and before I know it I am on the couch with my dog Reggie and we are watching the Netflix offering of “Single All The Way.”

I am not here to review the flick, honestly it is exactly the things I avoid; contrived story lines in an effort to manipulate the viewers’ emotions. It plays to the lowest hanging fruit and makes no effort to hide it. Was it fun to watch these three actors? Yeah and I would do it again for them, but it’s not a good movie…..sorry.

What is intriguing to me is the reaction it has received in the LGBTQIA community. The conversations being thrown around. The fact is it is a romantic Christmas movie centered around gay characters in a family setting released on a mainstay streaming service. Those are the important pieces of this situation. Instead we are arguing over representation and believability? What?

Since when have we watched a Hallmark movie between straight people and thought, “yep, that is completely accurate and makes sense from watching all of my straight friends fall in love?” This is OUR version of a Hallmark…..excuse me….Netflix Christmas! That’s it! There is nothing more to see here! The Hollywood machine has done what it does best, it’s boiled us down to the most “acceptable” and neutered versions of ourselves. They have decided what the masses can digest and served us up on a platter.

Do these things make me mad? Hell yes! I long to see versions of myself on screen, not the Hollywood version of gay. I want to see a reflection of my dating life, which admittedly may be more of a horror film. Do I demand more of Hollywood? Yes I do. Is it realistic to think it all changes over-night? Nope. Sometimes incremental movement in a better direction is all we can expect.

I do not consume mass media in order to find myself as I did when i was younger. I know that I will not find my image there. I will make my own art and tell my own stories. The fact is on a cultural level we have a mainstream romantic Christmas offering. We, as “gay” people, have not helmed this type of ship before. It does not and could never “represent” the queer experience in an authentic way. It is a piece of culture that we can finally claim and that is all.

Buckle up, because we are going to see a lot more of these types of holiday drivel. We began to show up as side stories in Hallmark movies and now we lead the script. It may not represent us in an honest and relevant way, but it is a needed step in order to claim more ground for ourselves in mainstream media.

As a side note, for those of you ready to pounce on me over “accepting” what we are given. I would say follow the indie artists and filmmakers and writers and musicians who are working every day to paint a real picture of our existence. People working to have the conversations about every letter of our coveted alphabet soup. Those are the people worth following and worth talking about. Hollywood will never give you what you long for, every other minority group has been waiting just as long. Enjoy this movie for what it is…..or don’t. Just don’t hang your argument for representation on some mirror that was never built to reflect you.

Just a thought.

What Queer Means To Me

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By Jonathan Shuffield

Representation matters! We have said it a million plus times and it has never rang cliche. The more ground we make here the truer and sharper the cry. In the more than two decades since I came out a lot has definitely changed. Media finally has begun to show my fellow LGBTQIA+ siblings in the tapestry they portray as life. May the celebration of this not go unnoticed, but we still have a ways to go.

I am not satisfied, we have not fully integrated into the creative reflections around us. It is not just the hetero-normative culture of Hollywood, it is in the very portrayals of us in our own media, in the production companies developing our stories, in the editors’ offices choosing our models. I have lived in that starstruck city, I have sat in meetings in that land of illusion, I have fought to sell the idea that I exist.

There is nothing more heartbreaking than an “LGBT” production company foregoing you simply for being you. “You are super funny, but….” “You’re writing is great, however……” I checked the line up that was chosen for public consumption. I didn’t need to be given a memo, the truth was laid out in front of me. I’m not 30, my body isn’t just this side of porn. Sex was chosen over substance, as if I am not a sexual creature.

Before you put me on the shelf and label me bitter, don’t get me wrong. I remember the days when we were nowhere to be seen. I remember the thrill of witnessing a gay character on television, even if just for a second and even if it was a neutered stereotype, just an embodied punchline. I am thrilled that we have come so far, but why should we be satisfied? Especially if in that word lies complacency, settling for just enough.

We all grew up wanting to see ourselves, our stories reflected in the art we consumed. I will not apologize for continuing to fight to see my reflection, to see the rainbow of the men and women in the world around me. It is our innate human desire drawn on cave walls from the dawn of humans to the launch of this very publication, QueerCentric.

We are here to offer a voice to the rest of us. To represent a queer world not so homogenized. We do not want to take away from the version of us that is currently allowed the spotlight, we simply want to add to it. Instead of waiting for permission, we choose to boldly move forward creating our own path. We celebrate all of us, the rest of us! Because there is room for everyone, sometimes you just have to make the room yourself.

So if you have ever felt “othered” in your own community, maybe felt a little left of mainstream, or you have always felt like the odd one out. Don’t get bitter, raise your voice, take your place, stand tall in exactly the person you are. If you look around, you will find an endless sea of people celebrating with you. You will find QueerCentric here, celebrating the rest of us!

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